Blogging and baking. I used to love both. But then I made it a part of my job and put it on a schedule, and the pressure makes it suck. I honestly hate that something I loved so much has become, well, a chore. Baking in this house is also extremely difficult with a little diabetic in the house. Aiyla literally dipped her hands in sugar the other day while ‘helping’ me bake and then licked her fingers. It was cute and funny but scary because it spiked her blood sugars like nothing else. And in flooded the ‘I’m the worst mother in the world’ feelings.
Aaahhh. We’re FINALLY in our new house, with all the plumbing working, boxes out of the way, new countertops installed, baby gate put up, and outlet covers in their places to ward off wiggly fingers. It’s been a super exhausting experience because everything that could seemed to have gone wrong. I’m talking water damage from busted pipes, leaking toilets, water heaters breaking, not being able to use the fixtures I spent so much time researching, garage doors not working. It’s not completely done yet, there’s small things here and there that still need to happen. But I fully intend on writing a blog post about the transformation of this house since we got it with before and after pictures because I am in love with it now. Add in the fact that we’re halfway between my parents and my sister (both less than 10 minutes away), there’s a park and elementary school across the street and we can actually walk to a library and Target, I’m pretty happy.
I’ve been running away from Diabetes for a long time. You see, I had somewhat of a traumatic experience when I was diagnosed. The kids in my 4th grade class all thought I was contagious when I came back from the hospital and refused to talk to me or play with me. I was made fun of for having to eat a snack in the back of the classroom at prescribed times, and avoided like the plague. I ended up switching schools, but was still made fun of. Kids thought I was making it up to get out of class when I had to go to the nurses office for low blood sugars. I was yelled at by a teacher for being lazy and ‘sleeping’ in her class when I was having a low blood sugar. It defined who I was, what I ate, who I was friends with, what I could do. I hated it.
Having a doctor tell you that your child could die is the scariest thing that could ever happen to you. And I pray that none of you ever have to hear those words. A few weeks ago, I rushed Aiyla to the ER after she woke up with extremely heavy breathing (turns out it was Kussmaul breathing) and a full day of throwing up without keeping much down. She had been peeing a little more than usual and extremely thirsty. I had taken her in to an urgent doctors appointment the day before, and she had said it was probably just the stomach virus and to wait it out. That even a high blood sugar reading was probably just a sign of her body fighting an infection. But I asked them to check her ketones and blood sugar at the ER, and I was unfortunately right. She was in DKA (diabetic ketoacidosis). My little girl was diagnosed with Diabetes at the young age of 10 months old.
I officially suck as a blogger. But its ok. I have a mobile 6 month old on my hands, am taking 7 courses to get my certificate in social sector leadership, run a business, a household and have a family life. Along with some volunteer commitments like being on the UPLIFT board, the JDRF Walk Committee and Pencils of Promise Leadership Council. I’m totally trying to impress myself here to make it seem like I have a legitimate reason for not posting about the growing list of recipes I have.
I can’t believe its already been almost 4 months since my little Aiyla has been in our lives. Here are some of the things I’ve discovered since becoming a mama:
I’m going to be a little mushy gushy in this post. I have some pretty awesome sisters. I am nothing at all like my older sister, Sophie. She is super outgoing, talkative, loud, talks a mile a minute, and opinionated. We don’t agree on music, clothes, shoes or even food (she is an avid dark chocolate lover whereas I am vanilla through and through). She will buy a pair of shoes if I absolutely hate them. She is also extremely entertaining and fun to be around. We don’t look related either.
Mommy-hood is hard. I don’t mean hard because you’re always tired, or have so many diapers to change or spend forever putting the little one to sleep. I mean the bigger picture, having to second-guess every decision, wondering if you’re cut out for this parenting thing.
Aiyla and I went for our first play date the other day. Does it count as a play date, when she doesn’t really even know what play is yet? It was more like both our babies slept at the same time and nursed around the same time. Even though it was with a good friend of mine that I’ve known for a while, I was honestly kind of nervous. What if at some point in the day, I did something that made her realize I have no idea what I’m doing with this whole parenting thing?